omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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