I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
