Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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