hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
