she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
