I just made out with a guy for $7.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
