Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
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