the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
