dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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