Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
