sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
