I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
