is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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