do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
