pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
there is puke in my bra ... again
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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