Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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