I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
