I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
