Walk of Shame. In a state park.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
