Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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