you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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