i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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