He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
