Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I am available for nakedness
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
