i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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