he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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