you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
