he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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