I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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