This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
