the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
