C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
