I need help removing her.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
