I should be sponsored by Trojan
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
