just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
