Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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