They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
