We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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