Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
