I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
oh god the rape fog is back!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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