and you said cock pushups were impossible
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
