every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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