4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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