i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
