Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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