Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
