I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
please don't ironically join a cult
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