I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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