I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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