I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
