just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
