i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
