haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
